I woke this morning fatigued as usual, with a quite stiff back, which meant that my one year old must have slept at least most of the night, as I didn't have to move much. Ah, sleep. I never have worried about it since having the second child. When you have your first child, it's all about, "When's he gonna sleep through the night already???" Only to find out that it won't happen, not every single night, until the end of toddlerhood.
My jaw has been aching since Saturday afternoon, sometimes pretty painfully, sometimes more like an itching pain all over my bottom teeth. I have no idea why. But I'm not complaining. Being home with my boys is enjoyable, even though it's a lot of work to keep everything in order (hint- not everything will be in order for a number of years, whether or not we have more kids. Let's just face it.)With no real plans for the day, I prayed to find a purpose.
It's been a rather typical day, with 3 rather large messes to clean up so far. I should just take the 2 year old outside and let him run around, but it's SO hot here. I got a kiddie pool for pretty cheap, but due to my fear of stinging insects, I prefer to wait until Preston is around to help me with it. I look around my house, and I am comfortable. There are days where I want to avoid being cooped up in the house at all costs, and there are days where I just want to stay at home, away from people. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE people. I love talking to them, getting to know them, and embracing the uniqueness of each individual.
I don't feel pretty. I know I should go work out later, but I lack motivation. Some days I lack motivation to get up and get a glass of water.
These boys are beautiful. I love them SO much. No matter how many spills or how many diapers are pulled off and tossed onto the floor. No matter how squeaky that car sounds as he rolls it back and forth on the floor, making me cringe. No matter how many times big guy gets up after I tell him it is Nap Time and he needs to Stay In Bed. They are precious. Big guy is the Sensitive Adventurer. Little guy is the Clingy Tough Guy. I must say, they make quite a pair.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Day One
Actually, today isn't what I'm talking about. Day One was the first day I ever experienced symptoms from this disease. I haven't been to a thyroid doctor yet, so I'm not actually sure how long I possibly could have been diagnosed with a thyroid disease, but the first time I ever felt OFF in a big way was when I was 8 years old. I was diagnosed with mild general anxiety, but I still remember the crippling feeling of terror that would creep over me for no reason at all. And being so young, and not knowing what it was, or what could have possibly caused it, I felt imprisoned in my own body. It took a few years to really understand what it was that I was going through, and I learned to accept it. Eventually it got better, and I got more confident. I would still have panic attacks from time to time, but I knew what they were, so it was easier to deal with. Although for many years after that, and sometimes still, I can constantly have unexplained thoughts of anxiety or paranoia.
Fast forward a few years. When i was about 12, I started to gain weight. I was unhappy with my appearance, but whatever I did didn't seem to help. When I was about 14 or 15 I started having episodes of immense fatigue and exhaustion about once a month. The doctor prescribed B vitamins and that seemed to help a bit, but I was particularly sluggish in the summer, and was always sensitive to heat. When I was 16/17, I was working part time, doing pretty well in homeschool, participating in a number of activities, and losing some weight! I was energetic and happy, and enjoying life. I continued to feel this way for the next few years, and really enjoyed going to college and participating in all the activities with that. I very rarely had anxiety attacks, and when I did they were easily dismissed.
Fast forward a few more years, and several back to back life changes. Marriage, having 2 babies, moving, parents moving to germany, etc. During my second pregnancy I was on a very low dose of thyroid hormone, but she said my levels were right on the line of being abnormal, so I wasn't too concerned. I also experienced mild depression for several months during and about 7 months after the pregnancy. Shortly after having baby number two, I experienced periods of intense exhaustion once again, but eventually felt a good deal better after a full recovery. Then there was the move. It was very stressful moving with a two month old and 18 month old. But it all worked out, and life was settling back down.
But then, three months after the move, I had an unexplained panic attack. It was completely unnerving, and pushed me to get a thyroid blood test. When they called with the results, and said they were within normal range, I felt more depressed than I had been in a while. For the next 5 (or so) months, I carried a constant load of anxious and fearful thoughts and feelings in the back of my mind. I finally decided to try to get counseling, and felt quite motivated to get better. At that point, I'd have a few good weeks. Then I'd have a "bad" week, where I'd feel hopelessly depressed one day, sluggish the whole week, and overall negative. I went to counseling for about a month, then they closed for the summer, saying a summer counselor would call me in a few weeks ( last counseling session was the end of april, and I've yet to receive a call). I finally got sick of it. I had a new resolve. I wanted to get tested for Hashimoto's. I knew it was genetic, and my mom has it, so I thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and see if I had it. When I requested the tests, the doctors seemed to think it was weird that I even knew what the disease was. They also seemed to think that I should wait until my TSH levels were off before even giving me medicine. I get the feeling that if I hadn't been insistent of the tests, I would've had to wait years until getting diagnosed.
So here I am today, waiting for the appointment with the specialist in November. It was super empowering to get the diagnosis, so it helps me be brave when I get more symptoms (can vary from day to day), but it's still a long time to wait.
Anyway, in the meantime, I will be disclosing day to day what it is like to have Hashimoto's thyroiditis.
Fast forward a few years. When i was about 12, I started to gain weight. I was unhappy with my appearance, but whatever I did didn't seem to help. When I was about 14 or 15 I started having episodes of immense fatigue and exhaustion about once a month. The doctor prescribed B vitamins and that seemed to help a bit, but I was particularly sluggish in the summer, and was always sensitive to heat. When I was 16/17, I was working part time, doing pretty well in homeschool, participating in a number of activities, and losing some weight! I was energetic and happy, and enjoying life. I continued to feel this way for the next few years, and really enjoyed going to college and participating in all the activities with that. I very rarely had anxiety attacks, and when I did they were easily dismissed.
Fast forward a few more years, and several back to back life changes. Marriage, having 2 babies, moving, parents moving to germany, etc. During my second pregnancy I was on a very low dose of thyroid hormone, but she said my levels were right on the line of being abnormal, so I wasn't too concerned. I also experienced mild depression for several months during and about 7 months after the pregnancy. Shortly after having baby number two, I experienced periods of intense exhaustion once again, but eventually felt a good deal better after a full recovery. Then there was the move. It was very stressful moving with a two month old and 18 month old. But it all worked out, and life was settling back down.
But then, three months after the move, I had an unexplained panic attack. It was completely unnerving, and pushed me to get a thyroid blood test. When they called with the results, and said they were within normal range, I felt more depressed than I had been in a while. For the next 5 (or so) months, I carried a constant load of anxious and fearful thoughts and feelings in the back of my mind. I finally decided to try to get counseling, and felt quite motivated to get better. At that point, I'd have a few good weeks. Then I'd have a "bad" week, where I'd feel hopelessly depressed one day, sluggish the whole week, and overall negative. I went to counseling for about a month, then they closed for the summer, saying a summer counselor would call me in a few weeks ( last counseling session was the end of april, and I've yet to receive a call). I finally got sick of it. I had a new resolve. I wanted to get tested for Hashimoto's. I knew it was genetic, and my mom has it, so I thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and see if I had it. When I requested the tests, the doctors seemed to think it was weird that I even knew what the disease was. They also seemed to think that I should wait until my TSH levels were off before even giving me medicine. I get the feeling that if I hadn't been insistent of the tests, I would've had to wait years until getting diagnosed.
So here I am today, waiting for the appointment with the specialist in November. It was super empowering to get the diagnosis, so it helps me be brave when I get more symptoms (can vary from day to day), but it's still a long time to wait.
Anyway, in the meantime, I will be disclosing day to day what it is like to have Hashimoto's thyroiditis.
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