I've had times that the Hashimotos, lack of vitamin d and iron give me depressive episodes. It's gotten to the point where it occasionally causes me to feel extremely emotionally drained for up to months at a time. But anyway, I thought it might be helpful if I compile a list of things that have helped me with these depressive episodes, and depressive fogs that can last for even months at a time.
-One thing that really helps me is simple-bright colors, especially shimmery ones. This can come from flowers-indoors or outdoors. Makeup. Paintings, photographs, Christmas tree ornaments. Lularoe and Lipsense. Coloring with gel pens and sharpies, or your tool of choice.
-Good light. It may seem obvious because I'm vitamin D deficient, but getting enough sunlight is extremely important to my mental health. I've had days where I've just felt super out of it because it's been cloudy for the entire week. I have not tried them yet, but I have heard that there are particular kinds of light bulbs that can simulate sunlight that have really helped people with seasonal effective disorder especially.
-Good music- Music therapy is a thing.
-Eating Well. Very little sugar and unhealthy carbs. Lots of protein, take your vitamins/other prescribed medications.
-Getting out and doing things with other people. Connecting with a church, meetup group, joining a book club or Bible study, taking a class, and getting involved in a community group are just a few ways to get yourself out of your depression cave. If you're a mom, there are some really good national/international support/play groups. Two of which are Mom's Club and MOPs (moms of preschoolers)/ Moms next (mops for K-18). You can easily go on their web sites and plug in your info for a list of local chapters. I highly recommend it because being a part of these groups has been a lifesaver (and just really fun!) for me since 2015!
-Therapy. Many people, including myself at a few low points in my life thus far, have had therapy/counseling recommended to them for help with depression, and thought things similar to, " Well, what's the use? It's not like these people actually care about me, they're just getting paid to do a job." or perhaps," This is cheesy, it's not going to help me." Let me tell you, these people have a passion for helping others and they are really good at letting you just talk things out, and suggesting things to help get people's heads in order, and they are able to refer out if you are in need of bigger help. I will also include in this category that it is important to have a Dr that can regularly see you for whatever symptoms you have. Your depression could very well be a side effect of a larger condition, or it could be a chemical imbalance in your brain.
I know this isn't a full list of every possible helpful thing. Feel free to comment suggestions or how you cope with depression.
Friday, October 13, 2017
Still Figuring Life Out
When I was a little girl, I used to feel adventurous and breathe in all the fresh possibilities and opportunities that lay ahead of me. When I was 8 years old I was misdiagnosed with an anxiety disorder that turned out to be an autoimmune disease. But the options and endless possibilities were still there. I felt them in the air at the airport, the fresh cool scent of the fall and winter, when the leaves thin out enough that you can more easily hike through the forest paths. The feeling when I look up at the sky at any time of the day or night and realize how big the world truly is. The possibilities still feel endless. I'm still a restless adventurer full of wanderlust, but now the daydreams include my husband, my children, and the baggage of autoimmune disease. Every day I still feel the potential, even though I know it's harder to achieve with boundless fatigue. I'm thankful that my husband can see that adventure and potential when he looks in my eyes. He sees through my issues, and I love him for it.
Now if I can just do what I need to do- regularly exercise, stop eating dessert and huge portions of fatty and calorie-dense foods, take my multivitamin and vitamin d, and get plenty of sleep at night, as well as taking my np thyroid every morning. I don't even know exactly how it's going to affect me. But I'm trying to trust God.
Now if I can just do what I need to do- regularly exercise, stop eating dessert and huge portions of fatty and calorie-dense foods, take my multivitamin and vitamin d, and get plenty of sleep at night, as well as taking my np thyroid every morning. I don't even know exactly how it's going to affect me. But I'm trying to trust God.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
I wanted to post about this because I feel like I haven't really made it clear how much it truly bothered me. Let me start at the beginning.
I was pregnant, my due date was December 28th. I was determined that I would finally have a vbac, after having two cesareans with my other boys. I did some research and found the best doctor for the job in the area. I went to see her and she was very encouraging about it, saying we would definitely be able to try it. The pregnancy was very healthy, myself and baby Gabe were doing great! I signed up to take Bradley method classes and a very thoughtful and gracious person anonymously paid the vast majority of our way. We hired a doula, did the brewers diet, the exercises, the relaxation practice, and the homework. We were prepared. We were confident. My parents planned to come visit us for Christmas and a few weeks afterward to help with everything. But December 28th cane and went, and the doctors were starting to worry, as they often do when women go past their due date. They started wanting me to come in for monitoring and ultrasounds to make sure all was still well. It was, except the fluid levels were starting to go down a slight bit. At 41 weeks, we were given an ultimatum. We were to decide whether we wanted a c section or induction, and what day we wanted to come in for it. My husband and I decided on 42 weeks.
We went in for the induction Sunday December 10th, first thing in the morning so we could have a decent sleep at home the night before (they had wanted me to come in Saturday night). They placed the dilation balloon (ugh, not comfy at all) and started me on an iv (which I knew would have to happen for the pitocin but I was still disappointed in my lack of comfort and mobility) and placed the baby monitor on me. I made a deal with the Dr/nurses that they would let me walk around without the monitor for twenty minutes every hour, and made it clear that I wanted to be able to eat and drink as well. So the first Dr that was there allowed me only a liquid diet for lunch. My morale stayed up, and the contractions were easy to deal with. The second doctor allowed me real food for supper, for which I was extremely grateful. We watched the karate kid marathon that was on tv and slept on and off. The balloon finally came out around midnight, and the nurse kept coming in to increase the pitocin, which made it impossible to sleep more than 2 minutes at a time because the contractions kept coming and they were more difficult and painful so I woke up during them. Finally we asked the nurse to wait to up the pitocin again until I had gotten some sleep. So she agreed, but said it would make my labor go longer. Sleep didn't come any easier after that, so in the morning I was just completely exhausted. I had a liquid diet for breakfast, and sat up and rocked in the rocking chair for a while. I kept falling asleep sitting up and kept lying down for naps. They started upping the pitocin again and the contractions were horrendous. It felt like I was being stabbed with knives in my lower back and stomach areas. Husband and doula helped me through by pressing on my back, but they were still absolutely awful. I decided to get an epidural at that point, because I'd been laboring for 30 hours already and simply couldn't deal anymore, especially because of my lack of sleep. When the anesthesiologist finally got in the room and did the epidural, it ended up not working in most of the areas it was supposed to. It made my right thigh numb and slightly relieved the contraction pain in my right side. They had me lay on my left side to see if that would help, and put more medication in, and finally pulled it out a bit to see if it would reposition. It did not work. At this point I was sleepier than ever and just wanted to rest. In between emergency c sections, the Dr would come in and ask us to consider upping the pitocin and breaking my water. Also, the anesthesiologist was going to re do the epidural, but because of the emergency c sections I didn't see him for a few hours. We told them to let me rest for an hour and then we'd let them know how we wanted to proceed. After the hour, I was still completely exhausted and physically spent. I decided to have a c section because I knew I could not make myself labor any longer. So they turned off the pitocin and prepped me over the next few hours.
They wheeled me back to the o.r. around 8pm Monday the 11th. It was absolutely freezing in there, and I was shivering, as I was only wearing a hospital gown and hair cap. They apologized to me, but they needed to do the epidural. They told me not to worry, cause if the epidural didn't work they would just put me to sleep during it (which actually made me super nervous... I prayed and prayed it would work). They finished and had me lie back on the super narrow bed with the little arm things stretched out. They put the sheet up and my shoulders and neck started to really really hurt. The surgery began and I could feel a bit of pain. I let them know so he added to the epidural. I felt quite a bit of pain at my bottom right side. I find him again, he added more medication to the epidural. I started to feel nauseated so I told him and he gave me medicine to help with that. Finally, after they got Gabe out, I couldn't feel them sew me up, but my shoulders still hurt so I told him and he gave me a bit of pain medicine and that helped a lot. I drifted in and out of napping. Finally the surgery was done and they wheeled me into recovery, which was nice because I was shivering and they gave me warm blankets and more pain medicine. I got to nurse Gabe for the first time and a few hours later they wheeled me to my postpartum room, where the nurses helped me and Gabe settle for the night, but made us watch a stupid safe sleep DVD even though I was exhausted and out of it from the meds and it was past midnight. They did their regular coming in every few hours to check Gabe's temp and heart rate and my blood pressure. The nursehelped mea lot with pain management, thankfully, and I slept fairly well. The next day it was very difficult to get up, but I did, and I struggled with pain until they switched me from iv meds to pills. The day after, I had horrendous gas pains that took hours to go away, and I took a few walks and drank some warm apple juice. That evening, I started doing better, but felt I needed to stay in the hospital until Friday instead of Thursday morning. But they discharged me Thursday morning. Which was good, I figure, because I got to go home and all. My parents were there and helped me A LOT until they had to leave a week and a half later, and people kept bringing us meals, which has been very encouraging.
I was very depressed the evening my parents had to leave. They had been here for almost an entire month, so I know they couldn't stay longer, but I was very sad because I knew I had lots of long days ahead of trying to recover while taking care of the boys by myself. When I got almost to two weeks postpartum, I decided to try driving (the nurse had said I could drive after two weeks). I felt rather lightheaded when I started to drive, so I turned around and came home, greatly discouraged because I knew that meant I wouldn't be able to pick the boys up from school yet, which is one thing that I really need to be able to do. I also have been trying to get over a cold I got after I came home from the hospital, which all three of the boys got as well.
Yesterday we took baby Gabe to the Dr for his two week wellness check up and he is back up to birth weight, which is awesome and definitely a rain for rejoicing! We also had to take Noah with us though, because he was seeming to get worse after feeling better from the cold. He had been awake for two hours in the middle of the previous night. I had as well, because I was experiencing terrible gas pains in my chest and back that made me nearly want to go to the hospital. Anyway, thankfully the pains went away. Noah was diagnosed with strep for the third time in the past several months, but thankfully they were able to give him an antibiotics shot (he does not take medication well or easily).
So I am healing well, Noah will be able to go back to school tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be able to drive soon without feeling light headed. I do not mean this post to sound ungrateful, we have been very well taken care of by family and friends. Things are just complicated right now.
Update:
Since the birth, I keep going between feeling completely confident in my decisions and guilty/like a failure for not powering through the immense exhaustion and doing the vba2c. I am now able to drive again and feel fine. I way overdid it yesterday evening so I'm paying for it today. I promised my husband I wouldn't overdo it anymore.
I was pregnant, my due date was December 28th. I was determined that I would finally have a vbac, after having two cesareans with my other boys. I did some research and found the best doctor for the job in the area. I went to see her and she was very encouraging about it, saying we would definitely be able to try it. The pregnancy was very healthy, myself and baby Gabe were doing great! I signed up to take Bradley method classes and a very thoughtful and gracious person anonymously paid the vast majority of our way. We hired a doula, did the brewers diet, the exercises, the relaxation practice, and the homework. We were prepared. We were confident. My parents planned to come visit us for Christmas and a few weeks afterward to help with everything. But December 28th cane and went, and the doctors were starting to worry, as they often do when women go past their due date. They started wanting me to come in for monitoring and ultrasounds to make sure all was still well. It was, except the fluid levels were starting to go down a slight bit. At 41 weeks, we were given an ultimatum. We were to decide whether we wanted a c section or induction, and what day we wanted to come in for it. My husband and I decided on 42 weeks.
We went in for the induction Sunday December 10th, first thing in the morning so we could have a decent sleep at home the night before (they had wanted me to come in Saturday night). They placed the dilation balloon (ugh, not comfy at all) and started me on an iv (which I knew would have to happen for the pitocin but I was still disappointed in my lack of comfort and mobility) and placed the baby monitor on me. I made a deal with the Dr/nurses that they would let me walk around without the monitor for twenty minutes every hour, and made it clear that I wanted to be able to eat and drink as well. So the first Dr that was there allowed me only a liquid diet for lunch. My morale stayed up, and the contractions were easy to deal with. The second doctor allowed me real food for supper, for which I was extremely grateful. We watched the karate kid marathon that was on tv and slept on and off. The balloon finally came out around midnight, and the nurse kept coming in to increase the pitocin, which made it impossible to sleep more than 2 minutes at a time because the contractions kept coming and they were more difficult and painful so I woke up during them. Finally we asked the nurse to wait to up the pitocin again until I had gotten some sleep. So she agreed, but said it would make my labor go longer. Sleep didn't come any easier after that, so in the morning I was just completely exhausted. I had a liquid diet for breakfast, and sat up and rocked in the rocking chair for a while. I kept falling asleep sitting up and kept lying down for naps. They started upping the pitocin again and the contractions were horrendous. It felt like I was being stabbed with knives in my lower back and stomach areas. Husband and doula helped me through by pressing on my back, but they were still absolutely awful. I decided to get an epidural at that point, because I'd been laboring for 30 hours already and simply couldn't deal anymore, especially because of my lack of sleep. When the anesthesiologist finally got in the room and did the epidural, it ended up not working in most of the areas it was supposed to. It made my right thigh numb and slightly relieved the contraction pain in my right side. They had me lay on my left side to see if that would help, and put more medication in, and finally pulled it out a bit to see if it would reposition. It did not work. At this point I was sleepier than ever and just wanted to rest. In between emergency c sections, the Dr would come in and ask us to consider upping the pitocin and breaking my water. Also, the anesthesiologist was going to re do the epidural, but because of the emergency c sections I didn't see him for a few hours. We told them to let me rest for an hour and then we'd let them know how we wanted to proceed. After the hour, I was still completely exhausted and physically spent. I decided to have a c section because I knew I could not make myself labor any longer. So they turned off the pitocin and prepped me over the next few hours.
They wheeled me back to the o.r. around 8pm Monday the 11th. It was absolutely freezing in there, and I was shivering, as I was only wearing a hospital gown and hair cap. They apologized to me, but they needed to do the epidural. They told me not to worry, cause if the epidural didn't work they would just put me to sleep during it (which actually made me super nervous... I prayed and prayed it would work). They finished and had me lie back on the super narrow bed with the little arm things stretched out. They put the sheet up and my shoulders and neck started to really really hurt. The surgery began and I could feel a bit of pain. I let them know so he added to the epidural. I felt quite a bit of pain at my bottom right side. I find him again, he added more medication to the epidural. I started to feel nauseated so I told him and he gave me medicine to help with that. Finally, after they got Gabe out, I couldn't feel them sew me up, but my shoulders still hurt so I told him and he gave me a bit of pain medicine and that helped a lot. I drifted in and out of napping. Finally the surgery was done and they wheeled me into recovery, which was nice because I was shivering and they gave me warm blankets and more pain medicine. I got to nurse Gabe for the first time and a few hours later they wheeled me to my postpartum room, where the nurses helped me and Gabe settle for the night, but made us watch a stupid safe sleep DVD even though I was exhausted and out of it from the meds and it was past midnight. They did their regular coming in every few hours to check Gabe's temp and heart rate and my blood pressure. The nursehelped mea lot with pain management, thankfully, and I slept fairly well. The next day it was very difficult to get up, but I did, and I struggled with pain until they switched me from iv meds to pills. The day after, I had horrendous gas pains that took hours to go away, and I took a few walks and drank some warm apple juice. That evening, I started doing better, but felt I needed to stay in the hospital until Friday instead of Thursday morning. But they discharged me Thursday morning. Which was good, I figure, because I got to go home and all. My parents were there and helped me A LOT until they had to leave a week and a half later, and people kept bringing us meals, which has been very encouraging.
I was very depressed the evening my parents had to leave. They had been here for almost an entire month, so I know they couldn't stay longer, but I was very sad because I knew I had lots of long days ahead of trying to recover while taking care of the boys by myself. When I got almost to two weeks postpartum, I decided to try driving (the nurse had said I could drive after two weeks). I felt rather lightheaded when I started to drive, so I turned around and came home, greatly discouraged because I knew that meant I wouldn't be able to pick the boys up from school yet, which is one thing that I really need to be able to do. I also have been trying to get over a cold I got after I came home from the hospital, which all three of the boys got as well.
Yesterday we took baby Gabe to the Dr for his two week wellness check up and he is back up to birth weight, which is awesome and definitely a rain for rejoicing! We also had to take Noah with us though, because he was seeming to get worse after feeling better from the cold. He had been awake for two hours in the middle of the previous night. I had as well, because I was experiencing terrible gas pains in my chest and back that made me nearly want to go to the hospital. Anyway, thankfully the pains went away. Noah was diagnosed with strep for the third time in the past several months, but thankfully they were able to give him an antibiotics shot (he does not take medication well or easily).
So I am healing well, Noah will be able to go back to school tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be able to drive soon without feeling light headed. I do not mean this post to sound ungrateful, we have been very well taken care of by family and friends. Things are just complicated right now.
Update:
Since the birth, I keep going between feeling completely confident in my decisions and guilty/like a failure for not powering through the immense exhaustion and doing the vba2c. I am now able to drive again and feel fine. I way overdid it yesterday evening so I'm paying for it today. I promised my husband I wouldn't overdo it anymore.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
zombies?
Here's a life update.
I'm at the zombie stage.
Different things help(water, light exercise) and make it worse(sugar!!!overdoing it!!! watching too much t.v.), but mostly I just don't worry about it and carry on with life, because it's not altogether unpleasant. It's just a chronic fatigue. Or perhaps just a feeling of trying to catch some thoughts that are floating just out of reach above your foggy head. And it's so weird, because on the outside, I don't look like I have this, but I do. And I know I'm not alone, but
I don't feel sorry for myself, but I wish people knew how I feel sometimes.
But the biggest struggle with this tiredness is that I don't want to be tired, so I try to do things I would normally do. And even do one better than that, and try to be strong and do lots of things.
But that makes me so tired that I either feel ill, or overwhelmed, or like I can't think straight.
And there are things I can do about this. I can change my diet, which I've tried a few times. And it does make me feel quite a bit better. But then I'll be feeling lonely at home with the kids and sometimes just eat to pass the time. I know it's not the best thing to do. But sometimes I can't think of a better way to stay awake than to occasionally snack. And I get to craving heavy foods. And sugary foods. But when I eat them, they just make me more tired. And food is often what I go to for comfort. Again, I know it's not healthy.
I have thought about doing little workout videos at home, but we live in an apartment, and really don't have the space for it. I have a planet fitness membership, but I can only go work out when Preston is home, and I often like to hang out with him when he's home and not busy with school. So I'll go through times where I'm motivated and eat healthy, exercise, and only drink water. But they haven't really lasted all that long. I'm not trying to sound depressing, I promise! I just need to keep it up!
I do miss people though. I wish all my family and friends could live in the same place. Frankly, I envy those who have all their family and closest friends within an hour or two.
But I am pressing on, day by day, because LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, and God has blessed me.
So I'm never giving up.
<3
I'm at the zombie stage.
Different things help(water, light exercise) and make it worse(sugar!!!overdoing it!!! watching too much t.v.), but mostly I just don't worry about it and carry on with life, because it's not altogether unpleasant. It's just a chronic fatigue. Or perhaps just a feeling of trying to catch some thoughts that are floating just out of reach above your foggy head. And it's so weird, because on the outside, I don't look like I have this, but I do. And I know I'm not alone, but
I don't feel sorry for myself, but I wish people knew how I feel sometimes.
But the biggest struggle with this tiredness is that I don't want to be tired, so I try to do things I would normally do. And even do one better than that, and try to be strong and do lots of things.
But that makes me so tired that I either feel ill, or overwhelmed, or like I can't think straight.
And there are things I can do about this. I can change my diet, which I've tried a few times. And it does make me feel quite a bit better. But then I'll be feeling lonely at home with the kids and sometimes just eat to pass the time. I know it's not the best thing to do. But sometimes I can't think of a better way to stay awake than to occasionally snack. And I get to craving heavy foods. And sugary foods. But when I eat them, they just make me more tired. And food is often what I go to for comfort. Again, I know it's not healthy.
I have thought about doing little workout videos at home, but we live in an apartment, and really don't have the space for it. I have a planet fitness membership, but I can only go work out when Preston is home, and I often like to hang out with him when he's home and not busy with school. So I'll go through times where I'm motivated and eat healthy, exercise, and only drink water. But they haven't really lasted all that long. I'm not trying to sound depressing, I promise! I just need to keep it up!
I do miss people though. I wish all my family and friends could live in the same place. Frankly, I envy those who have all their family and closest friends within an hour or two.
But I am pressing on, day by day, because LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, and God has blessed me.
So I'm never giving up.
<3
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Another Typical Day
It's a typical Sunday morning for me. After getting to sleep around 11 last night because a certain two year old wanted to talk (not real words, however, just a jabbering sort of thing. It's endearing, but can be annoying when one is trying to sleep.) I woke at 6:30 to my older son loudly proclaiming his wakefulness as he came across the house and turned on the dining room light.
On the list of typical things, I include my low to mid back pain that occurs almost every morning from the time I wake up to whenever I have been up for a while. Also the leg aches that make it sort of feel as though I attempted to walk several miles the day before, when that is very rarely the case.
I have brain fog, as well. It's not so much a complaint this time as it is just a fact of life. I keep a notebook that I check nearly every morning that is in my desk drawer to make sure I write down every reminder and remember things I may have forgotten. This is essential.
I get up to use the bathroom and immediately take my synthroid. I don't know if it is the best thyroid medication for me or not (at least not yet), but it's what I have now, and I cannot deny it has done me some good.
I also take whole food vitamins, as I am convinced they help me in a number of ways as well, but I have to be careful to take them at least for hours after my synthroid so they don't interfere with absorption. It's not hard, it's just a habit I had to develop.
Then there's the fatigue. I almost feel like I shouldn't mention this, because so many other people struggle with the same thing. And so many people are worse off. I do not want to come off as complaining, because I'm not. Once again, fatigue is a fact of life for me. There are lots of factors you can blame on this one. Having two energetic children, not getting enough sleep some nights, being overweight, and having a chronic disease are probably all factors. I have learned to get past it though, and do things I normally do. I have had to change my life in some ways, though. I have to be consciously careful to not overdo it. It was really hard for me at first, because I am stubborn! I was diagnosed with a disease, but I wanted to do everything like I used to, as much as I used to. But I really just can't anymore. If there are things I am going to want to do in the evening such as go to the grocery store or go out with friends, I need to pace myself in the morning. Or if I end up taking both boys out by myself in the morning, or something else of the same energy expending nature, I have to be okay with sitting or lying down for at least a few hours in the afternoon.
Simply put, Hashimoto's is an autoimmune disease, where the body (antibodies... aptly named, if you ask me :P) attack my thyroid for no known reason. If you know anything about the thyroid, it's one of those glands that regulates hormones. When it is attacked, the hormones can sort of go crazy, causing all sorts of things. Emotions, sick feelings, etc. Hormones affect A LOT. Thankfully with proper hormone replacement therapy (in the form of a pill taken half an hour before breakfast with plenty of water) it CAN be regulated. Everyone with this disease is affected at least somewhat differently, thus different sorts of thyroid medications are more helpful to different people. So far I have only tried Synthroid and its generic form (which are dosed differently, and thus completely different meds). I will update if and when I get to try other forms such as T3 and T4 combo meds (synthroid is synthetic t4) or natural dessicated thyroid (which some swear by, others hate it, Like I said, different people need different sorts of meds to feel best).
Either way, I am generally motivated to get out of bed by determination to live love and love it. More on that in another post. There are so many people and things that motivate me to keep going!
Here's a little life update-
My 2 1/2 year old has all but been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder (some of the doctors suspect autism, but they won't diagnose it as such because he is really to young to tell. I see none to very few signs of it in him, by the way.), so we are starting lots of therapy for him. He has 3 different therapies, and he will soon be going to one each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. My older son has started preschool on these days, which he absolutely loves so far.
I have been working out at Planet Fitness (cardio, weights, and abs) at least twice a week (though I skipped several weeks around Christmas), and that has been helpful, as long as I don't overdo that. I have the ultimate goal of getting a whole lot more fit. I don't care how much I weigh anymore, as I am no longer insecure about my body. It has been a long journey there too, but more on that in another post.
On the list of typical things, I include my low to mid back pain that occurs almost every morning from the time I wake up to whenever I have been up for a while. Also the leg aches that make it sort of feel as though I attempted to walk several miles the day before, when that is very rarely the case.
I have brain fog, as well. It's not so much a complaint this time as it is just a fact of life. I keep a notebook that I check nearly every morning that is in my desk drawer to make sure I write down every reminder and remember things I may have forgotten. This is essential.
I get up to use the bathroom and immediately take my synthroid. I don't know if it is the best thyroid medication for me or not (at least not yet), but it's what I have now, and I cannot deny it has done me some good.
I also take whole food vitamins, as I am convinced they help me in a number of ways as well, but I have to be careful to take them at least for hours after my synthroid so they don't interfere with absorption. It's not hard, it's just a habit I had to develop.
Then there's the fatigue. I almost feel like I shouldn't mention this, because so many other people struggle with the same thing. And so many people are worse off. I do not want to come off as complaining, because I'm not. Once again, fatigue is a fact of life for me. There are lots of factors you can blame on this one. Having two energetic children, not getting enough sleep some nights, being overweight, and having a chronic disease are probably all factors. I have learned to get past it though, and do things I normally do. I have had to change my life in some ways, though. I have to be consciously careful to not overdo it. It was really hard for me at first, because I am stubborn! I was diagnosed with a disease, but I wanted to do everything like I used to, as much as I used to. But I really just can't anymore. If there are things I am going to want to do in the evening such as go to the grocery store or go out with friends, I need to pace myself in the morning. Or if I end up taking both boys out by myself in the morning, or something else of the same energy expending nature, I have to be okay with sitting or lying down for at least a few hours in the afternoon.
Simply put, Hashimoto's is an autoimmune disease, where the body (antibodies... aptly named, if you ask me :P) attack my thyroid for no known reason. If you know anything about the thyroid, it's one of those glands that regulates hormones. When it is attacked, the hormones can sort of go crazy, causing all sorts of things. Emotions, sick feelings, etc. Hormones affect A LOT. Thankfully with proper hormone replacement therapy (in the form of a pill taken half an hour before breakfast with plenty of water) it CAN be regulated. Everyone with this disease is affected at least somewhat differently, thus different sorts of thyroid medications are more helpful to different people. So far I have only tried Synthroid and its generic form (which are dosed differently, and thus completely different meds). I will update if and when I get to try other forms such as T3 and T4 combo meds (synthroid is synthetic t4) or natural dessicated thyroid (which some swear by, others hate it, Like I said, different people need different sorts of meds to feel best).
Either way, I am generally motivated to get out of bed by determination to live love and love it. More on that in another post. There are so many people and things that motivate me to keep going!
Here's a little life update-
My 2 1/2 year old has all but been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder (some of the doctors suspect autism, but they won't diagnose it as such because he is really to young to tell. I see none to very few signs of it in him, by the way.), so we are starting lots of therapy for him. He has 3 different therapies, and he will soon be going to one each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. My older son has started preschool on these days, which he absolutely loves so far.
I have been working out at Planet Fitness (cardio, weights, and abs) at least twice a week (though I skipped several weeks around Christmas), and that has been helpful, as long as I don't overdo that. I have the ultimate goal of getting a whole lot more fit. I don't care how much I weigh anymore, as I am no longer insecure about my body. It has been a long journey there too, but more on that in another post.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
revised hashimotos journey
The first time I ever felt OFF in a big way was when I was 8 years old. It came out of the blue, randomly one day at school. It was a sensation I'd never felt before, and it scared me. I was diagnosed with mild general anxiety, but I still remember the crippling feeling of terror that would creep over me for no reason at all. And being so young, and not knowing what it was, or what could have possibly caused it, I felt imprisoned in my own body. It took a few years to really understand what it was that I was going through, and I learned to accept it. Eventually it got better, and I got more confident. I would still have anxiety from time to time, but I knew what it was, so it was easier to deal with. Although for many years after that, and sometimes still, I can occasionally have unexplained thoughts of anxiety or paranoia.
[[I cannot tell this story without mentioning I've been a Christian active in church participation all my life. I have received much solace through faith, prayer, and the encouragement of regular church fellowship. I believe God is guiding me every step of the way and He hasn't once left my side through my struggles.]]
Fast forward a few years. When i was about 12, I started to gain weight. I was unhappy with my appearance, but whatever I did didn't seem to help. When I was about 14 or 15 I started having episodes of immense fatigue and exhaustion about once a month. The doctor prescribed B vitamins and that seemed to help a bit, but I was particularly sluggish in the summer, and was always sensitive to heat. When I was 16/17, I was working part time, doing pretty well in homeschool, participating in a number of activities, and losing some weight! I was energetic and happy, and enjoying life. I continued to feel this way for the next few years, and really enjoyed going to college and participating in all the activities with that. I barely paid any mind to any symptoms I experienced during this time.
Fast forward a few more years, and several back to back life changes. Marriage in 2010, having 2 babies(2011 and 2012), moving(a few months after having the baby in 2012), parents moving to Germany(military move- they were only there for two years, but still- it was really hard because I've always been close with them and my mom ALWAYS understands whatever issues I'm dealing with, because she has Hashimotos herself. SHE IS MY HERO.), etc. During my second pregnancy I was on a very low dose of levothyroxine, but she said my TSH levels were right on the line of being abnormal(hypothyroidism), so I wasn't too concerned. I also experienced mild depression for several months during pregnancy until about 7 months after the pregnancy. Shortly after having baby number two, I experienced periods of intense exhaustion once again, but eventually felt a good deal better after a full recovery from the C section I had. Then there was the move. It was very stressful moving with a two month old and 18 month old. But it all worked out, and life was settling back down.
But then, three months after the move, I had an unexplained anxiety attack. It was completely unnerving, and pushed me to get a thyroid blood test. When they called with the results, and said they were within normal range, I felt more depressed than I had been in a while. For the next 5 (or so) months, I carried a constant load of anxious and fearful thoughts and feelings in the back of my mind. I felt SO GUILTY that I felt this way even though I have the most wonderful babies and husband, family, and friends. I finally decided to try to get counseling, and felt quite motivated to get better. At that point, I'd have a few good weeks. Then I'd have a "bad" week, where I'd feel hopelessly depressed one day, sluggish the whole week, and overall negative. I went to counseling for about a month, then they closed for the summer, saying a summer counselor would call me in a few weeks ( they NEVER called back- it felt so hopeless!). I finally got sick of it. I had a NEW RESOLVE. I wanted to get tested for Hashimoto's. I knew it was genetic, and my mom has it(she'd been trying to convince me for months, if not a few years, to get tested for it, yet I stubbornly did not [denial much, Brittany?], so I thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and see if I had it. I made a doctor's appointment and after telling the doctor I was pretty sure I had postpartum depression, she looked at me and very condescendingly (at least that's how I took it- either way it seemed pretty doggone insensitive)said, "Now was this doctor diagnosed or Brittany diagnosed depression?" When I requested the tests, the doctor seemed to think it was weird that I even knew what the disease was. They also seemed to think that I should wait until my TSH levels were off (out of their "normal" range, which was the common scale of around .5-5.0) before even giving me medicine. I get the feeling that if I hadn't been insistent of the tests, I would've had to wait years until getting diagnosed (when they called me to tell me my antibody levels were high, the nurse was like "I saw the doctor ordered you some crazy test...").
It was super empowering to get the diagnosis! It was such a feeling of RELIEF! The only problem was, they diagnosed me in April, and determined I did not need any medication at that time, and referred me to an endocrinologist, whose presence I would not be graced with until that November (yes, I had to continue to learn things and figure them out for myself for over half a year longer, so pardon my sarcasm). Here's where the sun starts to shine in.
Since I had 7 months to figure out what to do to make myself feel better, I learned A HEAPING TON. I purchased/borrowed books ("Beautiful Inside and Out:Conquering Thyroid Disease with a happy, healthy, "Thyroid Sexy" Life-[ by Gena Lee Nolin & Mary Shomon] being a personal favorite). I did online research (many thanks to the Facebook groups Thyroid Sexy, Hashimoto Happiness, Thyroid Fun, and Hashimotos 411[ there were more, but I have forgotten their names, forgive me]!!). I was given a membership to the local YMCA that year so I worked out in their gym and did some zumba, which I LOVED! Then when the membership expired, I would walk, jog (a little bit), and do workout videos at home. I would hang out with friends often, take my boys to the zoo often, and go to church often.
Finally my endocrinologist appointment came, and it was rather unremarkable for my long wait. I was glad to finally be seeing someone though, and he listened to me. His approach was rather typical (he had my tsh and free t4 checked whenever I would see him, and did one ultrasound of my thyroid- thankfully nothing to be concerned about on there!). My TSH was 3.70 or so, and he agreed to go ahead and put me on Synthroid. Unfortunately, he put me on way too high a dose for just starting on it- .75 mcg. Within a few months, I started feeling MUCH better- for a few weeks. Then I started having hyper symptoms- racing, almost obsessive thoughts, some anxiety, and overall uneasiness. So I called the doctor, and thankfully he decreased my dosage to .50. Everything settled down again.
Then we moved again. However, my parents moved back to the country. Things were easier. The move was somewhat stressful, and made symptoms flare a bit again, but by then I had learned much more through personal research and quickly felt better again through relaxation techniques, online help (the Hashimotos Institue online talks for a week helped a GREAT DEAL!!), and eventually cut out gluten for a few months.
As of right now, I'm going day by day and week by week, concentrating on positive things, and experimenting with different diets. I'm exercising regularly like I haven't done in over a year, and constantly learning more about how to help myself. The Synthroid has certainly helped, at least in some ways. I am overall happy with it, though I have heard it does not work for some. I am often having to consciously force myself to de-stress, and have learned many ways to do this. I often make myself a "nest" to lie in on the floor. It's very grounding and brings comfort and relaxation. I use lavender essential oil to bring feelings of peace and well-being. I pray. I talk to family and friends. I laugh, I dance, I sing, I write, all the time, no matter how I feel.
This, I have learned, is key for me for my healing. And I can honestly say I am thankful for what this journey has taught me- besides factual information, I've learned greater empathy for others, I've gotten stronger, and I have learned to be the BEST advocate for my little boys, if they ever have any issues, especially thyroid related ones.
This journey is far from over. But with hope, positivity, and pro-activity, there is ALWAYS HOPE.
[[I cannot tell this story without mentioning I've been a Christian active in church participation all my life. I have received much solace through faith, prayer, and the encouragement of regular church fellowship. I believe God is guiding me every step of the way and He hasn't once left my side through my struggles.]]
Fast forward a few years. When i was about 12, I started to gain weight. I was unhappy with my appearance, but whatever I did didn't seem to help. When I was about 14 or 15 I started having episodes of immense fatigue and exhaustion about once a month. The doctor prescribed B vitamins and that seemed to help a bit, but I was particularly sluggish in the summer, and was always sensitive to heat. When I was 16/17, I was working part time, doing pretty well in homeschool, participating in a number of activities, and losing some weight! I was energetic and happy, and enjoying life. I continued to feel this way for the next few years, and really enjoyed going to college and participating in all the activities with that. I barely paid any mind to any symptoms I experienced during this time.
Fast forward a few more years, and several back to back life changes. Marriage in 2010, having 2 babies(2011 and 2012), moving(a few months after having the baby in 2012), parents moving to Germany(military move- they were only there for two years, but still- it was really hard because I've always been close with them and my mom ALWAYS understands whatever issues I'm dealing with, because she has Hashimotos herself. SHE IS MY HERO.), etc. During my second pregnancy I was on a very low dose of levothyroxine, but she said my TSH levels were right on the line of being abnormal(hypothyroidism), so I wasn't too concerned. I also experienced mild depression for several months during pregnancy until about 7 months after the pregnancy. Shortly after having baby number two, I experienced periods of intense exhaustion once again, but eventually felt a good deal better after a full recovery from the C section I had. Then there was the move. It was very stressful moving with a two month old and 18 month old. But it all worked out, and life was settling back down.
But then, three months after the move, I had an unexplained anxiety attack. It was completely unnerving, and pushed me to get a thyroid blood test. When they called with the results, and said they were within normal range, I felt more depressed than I had been in a while. For the next 5 (or so) months, I carried a constant load of anxious and fearful thoughts and feelings in the back of my mind. I felt SO GUILTY that I felt this way even though I have the most wonderful babies and husband, family, and friends. I finally decided to try to get counseling, and felt quite motivated to get better. At that point, I'd have a few good weeks. Then I'd have a "bad" week, where I'd feel hopelessly depressed one day, sluggish the whole week, and overall negative. I went to counseling for about a month, then they closed for the summer, saying a summer counselor would call me in a few weeks ( they NEVER called back- it felt so hopeless!). I finally got sick of it. I had a NEW RESOLVE. I wanted to get tested for Hashimoto's. I knew it was genetic, and my mom has it(she'd been trying to convince me for months, if not a few years, to get tested for it, yet I stubbornly did not [denial much, Brittany?], so I thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and see if I had it. I made a doctor's appointment and after telling the doctor I was pretty sure I had postpartum depression, she looked at me and very condescendingly (at least that's how I took it- either way it seemed pretty doggone insensitive)said, "Now was this doctor diagnosed or Brittany diagnosed depression?" When I requested the tests, the doctor seemed to think it was weird that I even knew what the disease was. They also seemed to think that I should wait until my TSH levels were off (out of their "normal" range, which was the common scale of around .5-5.0) before even giving me medicine. I get the feeling that if I hadn't been insistent of the tests, I would've had to wait years until getting diagnosed (when they called me to tell me my antibody levels were high, the nurse was like "I saw the doctor ordered you some crazy test...").
It was super empowering to get the diagnosis! It was such a feeling of RELIEF! The only problem was, they diagnosed me in April, and determined I did not need any medication at that time, and referred me to an endocrinologist, whose presence I would not be graced with until that November (yes, I had to continue to learn things and figure them out for myself for over half a year longer, so pardon my sarcasm). Here's where the sun starts to shine in.
Since I had 7 months to figure out what to do to make myself feel better, I learned A HEAPING TON. I purchased/borrowed books ("Beautiful Inside and Out:Conquering Thyroid Disease with a happy, healthy, "Thyroid Sexy" Life-[ by Gena Lee Nolin & Mary Shomon] being a personal favorite). I did online research (many thanks to the Facebook groups Thyroid Sexy, Hashimoto Happiness, Thyroid Fun, and Hashimotos 411[ there were more, but I have forgotten their names, forgive me]!!). I was given a membership to the local YMCA that year so I worked out in their gym and did some zumba, which I LOVED! Then when the membership expired, I would walk, jog (a little bit), and do workout videos at home. I would hang out with friends often, take my boys to the zoo often, and go to church often.
Finally my endocrinologist appointment came, and it was rather unremarkable for my long wait. I was glad to finally be seeing someone though, and he listened to me. His approach was rather typical (he had my tsh and free t4 checked whenever I would see him, and did one ultrasound of my thyroid- thankfully nothing to be concerned about on there!). My TSH was 3.70 or so, and he agreed to go ahead and put me on Synthroid. Unfortunately, he put me on way too high a dose for just starting on it- .75 mcg. Within a few months, I started feeling MUCH better- for a few weeks. Then I started having hyper symptoms- racing, almost obsessive thoughts, some anxiety, and overall uneasiness. So I called the doctor, and thankfully he decreased my dosage to .50. Everything settled down again.
Then we moved again. However, my parents moved back to the country. Things were easier. The move was somewhat stressful, and made symptoms flare a bit again, but by then I had learned much more through personal research and quickly felt better again through relaxation techniques, online help (the Hashimotos Institue online talks for a week helped a GREAT DEAL!!), and eventually cut out gluten for a few months.
As of right now, I'm going day by day and week by week, concentrating on positive things, and experimenting with different diets. I'm exercising regularly like I haven't done in over a year, and constantly learning more about how to help myself. The Synthroid has certainly helped, at least in some ways. I am overall happy with it, though I have heard it does not work for some. I am often having to consciously force myself to de-stress, and have learned many ways to do this. I often make myself a "nest" to lie in on the floor. It's very grounding and brings comfort and relaxation. I use lavender essential oil to bring feelings of peace and well-being. I pray. I talk to family and friends. I laugh, I dance, I sing, I write, all the time, no matter how I feel.
This, I have learned, is key for me for my healing. And I can honestly say I am thankful for what this journey has taught me- besides factual information, I've learned greater empathy for others, I've gotten stronger, and I have learned to be the BEST advocate for my little boys, if they ever have any issues, especially thyroid related ones.
This journey is far from over. But with hope, positivity, and pro-activity, there is ALWAYS HOPE.
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Positive Thinking
I have not posted in a while. Things have changed and stayed the same. I love when Spring comes, and we change our clocks forward, so it stays light later. There's something so cheery and healing about natural light that artificial lights can never replace. I suppose that's stating the obvious. I watched a film today about Hashimoto's called "Walk Talk Dance Sing." You should look it up, it's free, informative, and encouraging, and there's a lot of dancing (not sure what it's called, but the words "interprative dancing" come to mind. What I got from this movie is that no matter what path of healing I choose, I should not let this disease rule my life, and that focusing on doing things I love and need/want to do will be extremely helpful and healing in itself. On that note, I've decided to make a list of things I truly love to do.
)Dancing- zumba, freestyle, whatever
)Singing- There's something incredibly therapeutic about singing, and it uplifts your spirit.
)Writing- Though I don't do this much anymore, I feel I have a real knack for it and will definitely be doing more of it in the future.
)Meeting new people- As long as they're not terribly rude, I feel I can get along with most anyone.
)Hanging out with people- As a self-proclaimed (and, okay, many friends have labeled me as such) extrovert, I DO NOT like to be alone. I get depressed if I'm at home all the time, and I feel best when I am constantly on the move (for a while, at least, then have a few days where I just stay at home. Everyone has their limits!). Of course, the Hashi's can zap my energy whenever, so that's a bit limiting as well.
)Shopping- When I have others to shop with, anyway. Shopping by myself isn't much fun.
)Going to Church- My faith is extremely important to me. It's been very difficult living in a place where we are having to travel over an hour for church almost every weekend, when I was so used to being able to attend every (at least, almost every) service and church function.
)Spending time outside in nature! Very few things make me feel more peaceful than going to the beach, hiking near creeks/waterfalls, and just enjoying being outside.
)Dancing- zumba, freestyle, whatever
)Singing- There's something incredibly therapeutic about singing, and it uplifts your spirit.
)Writing- Though I don't do this much anymore, I feel I have a real knack for it and will definitely be doing more of it in the future.
)Meeting new people- As long as they're not terribly rude, I feel I can get along with most anyone.
)Hanging out with people- As a self-proclaimed (and, okay, many friends have labeled me as such) extrovert, I DO NOT like to be alone. I get depressed if I'm at home all the time, and I feel best when I am constantly on the move (for a while, at least, then have a few days where I just stay at home. Everyone has their limits!). Of course, the Hashi's can zap my energy whenever, so that's a bit limiting as well.
)Shopping- When I have others to shop with, anyway. Shopping by myself isn't much fun.
)Going to Church- My faith is extremely important to me. It's been very difficult living in a place where we are having to travel over an hour for church almost every weekend, when I was so used to being able to attend every (at least, almost every) service and church function.
)Spending time outside in nature! Very few things make me feel more peaceful than going to the beach, hiking near creeks/waterfalls, and just enjoying being outside.
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